A Look Back

As I was on the phone with my best supporter, +Asha Brown yesterday, I always get a good perspective of where I am and where I use to be. And that woman can really be am amazing eye-opener. It's like watching a child or pet grow right before your eyes but you don't see the changes physically take place. But when you look at a photograph of the far or even near past you notice so many changes. That is what Asha does for me!!
When you are in a constant battle with something it is very easy to focus on how hard it is, or has been. It is easy to see how many times you have failed. The more you continue to remind yourself of how hard something is, and how much you fail at it, the more you beat yourself...down, down, and down some more. And when I am down it just gets harder and harder. And as you can see the circle of defeat, difficulty, and depression gets thicker and thicker. THEN, something or someone can help you so much by opening your eyes to these times where you have kicked this battle's ass!!!! It might not be every time, and it may only be a small battle, but you still did it!!! And yes you may have failed some, but you didn't fail all. And something that +Asha Brown said to me yesterday was even if you aren't taking a big step forward, if you are only treading water and staying in the same place, you are STILL not going back. And that is a success, and that really is a step forward!!!
So what happens when she pops a hole in my thick circle? All that shit that ha piled up against me kind blows away. Now I'll be damned if it doesn't slowly start to pile up again, (but that's when we talk again, and she breaks in for me again), but for now I am pumped up, motivated, and proud of myself for how far I have came.
I have mountains to climb up and down before I consider myself recoverd from my ED, but when I stop and take a look back this is what I see....
     Almost 5 years ago I was 100lbs and in the worse physical pain I can imagine
    Carried a freezer bag of Rx
    3 years ago I had lost so much fat and muscle my butt was literally inverted 
    I couldn't even walk at ani incline with out thinking I would collaspe
   1 1/2 years ago my ankle began to chip away and I was in a boot for 6 months....breaking 
   1 year ago I was carried into the ER almost dead spending days in the ICU
   Jan 2013 (30 yrs old) I was preparing to have cataract surgery in both my eyes
   6 months ago I weighed 150lbs and was so afraid....but was healthier
   3 months ago I am learning to eat and exercise for my health not my weight
NOW...
I am terrified of what I still have to do to beat this. I am at a level weight that is right for my body. I am able to enjoy playing and being active with my children is fabulous, not exhausting. I have opened up my life and story to anyone that wants to hear it, and am determined to use this war to help someone else. It is all worth it if I can one day help someone pull threw it like +Asha Brown has done  for me.
I thank God for bringing Asha into my life to pull and push me up and down these mountains of war to get me in recovery and one day be fully recovered!!