This shall pass

Well it's 2 weeks into the new year, and coincidently that was when I decided to bust ass to get this life together....fat or not. And I have been doing really good. I have to fight the urges to binge, and I guess I will always love food, and want to eat and enjoy it. But I am having a hard time disconnecting  having a moment of enjoying some yummy junk food and taking my insulin. I went so many years with the belief that if I eat a bunch of crap, that if I don't take my shot, it will kind of go away and I won't gain weight. Even tho that way was killing me bc I was letting my sugar run extremly high. So now all of a sudden, I am trying to eat healthy and take my shots. The problem is that I love eating healthy, but when I want to have some crap, I feel like I just can't. And that is not the case!! I can, but then I feel like I will gain, so I immediatly don't want to take my shot. I relate unhealthy food as 'bad' and that means no shot...which is bad. Healthy food is good, and taking my shot it good. See the connection? My husband is trying to keep reminding me that I can eat the food, just take the shot...and that is good. So even tho I am taking my shots, I am gaining weight, and I have always looked at that as, bad. Another thing about recovery from diabulimia is insulin edema. This is when your body puffs up bc it has been so dehydrated, now on insulin it wants to hold all that water in. I thought I missed it this time, but WHAMM!!! I be puffy right now. But like my mom says, your kids would rather have a fat mama, than a skinny dead one. So I keep telling myself that when I start to get discouraged.
This will pass.
I have also not had any pop for 2 weeks! And if you know me, that is huge. Don't rem the last time I went that long without any pop! It wasn't even that I was trying to quit, just cut back. But after I did so good, I decided just to stick with it.
I have also been doing lots of working out, yoga, biking, walking, and a few workout videos. I even park in the farthest place at school, so I have to walk more. From my car, to class, and back it is over a mile.
And speaking class, I started back this week, and oh it feels so good to be back out and productive.
So it's not always easy, but I am doing so so good, and I appreciate all the support.